


The Senior Trip

by Imaginesfordayss



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Angst, Everybody Lives, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Slow Burn, Treebros, its a senior trip yall, no beta we die like men, soft bois, technically
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-01-25 17:07:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18578839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imaginesfordayss/pseuds/Imaginesfordayss
Summary: 7 days in Yellow stone national park with the gang. Alana, Zoe, and Jared are trying to make the best out of their senior trip; Connor and Evan are just along for the ride.





	1. I think you have a nice smile.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for a hot minute so enjoy (Plz validate me))))))))) )
> 
> (Ch.2 will be up at some point before next week)

It’s not that Evan didn’t want to go on the senior trip, in fact, he was fairly certain he was the most excited person out of the entire class to visit Yellowstone National Park. Since last years senior trip to Disney world ended with a rash of alcohol poisonings, one pregnancy, and a total of 4 broken bones; the school board decided it would be best to go somewhere a little calmer which Evan was certainly appreciative of. Many of the other students had expressed their irritation loudly in the halls around school about having to go somewhere so ‘boring’ to spend their last days as high schoolers but Evan was sure they’d find some way to smuggle in drinks; they always did. The problem at hand was that Evan wasn’t exactly sure if he could handle spending 7 whole days with his classmates out in the wilderness.

He was fairly certain he’d have no one to talk to which actually didn’t pose too much of a problem since it meant he’d probably have more time to enjoy the nature. The downside being that he didn’t really need everyone to think he was weirder than he already felt and isolating himself would inevitably bring his ‘tree kink’ as Jared calls it, into the spotlight. Evan took a deep breath, this was a problem for a later time. Instead he pulled himself out of bed to his usual morning routine. He glanced at himself in the mirror, still finding it strange to see himself without the cast even though months had passed since the whole ordeal. 

He let the memories of those few weeks resurface while he brushed his teeth; that first day of school, Jared’s jokes, Connor, his letter, Connor, telling his mom what he’d done, and then again, Connor. 

Strangely enough, Connor Murphy of all people had been on his mind since it all went down. He and Evan both missed some school after that first day, he found it a bit funny that no one noticed that he’d left. Or maybe not so funny, but he didn’t have time right now to dwell on how alone he felt most days. 

Evan wondered if Connor hated him for that stupid letter, if he was planning to expose him or something; somehow Evan knew he wouldn’t. From the looks of him, he had enough problems of his own to handle. And anyways, Evan had decided he didn’t like Zoe anymore..he was starting to wonder if he’d even liked her at all or just the idea he’d created of her in his head. Not that the younger Murphy wasn’t pretty or incredibly nice; he just didn’t feel for her that way anymore. When he told Jared, the boy laughed and asked if he’d hit his head when he ‘fell’ from that tree, Evan ignored him. 

Evan walked to the kitchen to find a familiar sight, a hastily written note from his mom and a twenty dollar bill for the dinner he wasn’t going to order. He was doing better, no really he was, but he still hadn’t managed to conquer his anxiety towards answering the door for food delivery drivers, he’d save that skill for college. 

The walk to school was uneventful and as he hurried to his first class, Alana Beck stopped him to ask what he was bringing on the trip. She seemed more nervous that her usual cheery demeanor and Evan wasn’t sure what to make of that. 

“I mean is a rain poncho too much? I’ve checked the weather app like a dozen times and the forecast says it’ll be clear but you know how often they’re wrong. It’d be awful if we got caught in a storm and I forgot to bring protective gear.” She paused, seemingly waiting for a reply. 

“I guess, it uhm, wouldn’t hurt to bring one?” 

“You’re right. Better safe than sorry. Oh, there’s Zoe, I needed to ask her about the jazz band rehearsals, we were hoping to use the band room for recycling club meetings. You should come some time, recycling is very important and it would definitely boost your resume.” Alana smiled and turned from him, gracefully power walking down the hall. Evan crossed the hall to his locker, opening it slowly and taking a deep breath out of view from his peers. It was just a normal school day, he could do this. 

Before he knew it, he found himself in the library during a free period. Taking a seat near the back where other students rarely ventured; Evan pulled out Romeo & Juliet and began attempting to analyze the assigned pages for english lit. 

-

Connor Murphy was having a particularly irritating morning and in an attempt to avoid an argument, he skipped breakfast in favor of walking to school. His therapist would tell him that this is progress, that the Connor of six months ago would have walked into the kitchen and done his absolute best to find any miniscule reason to yell expletives at his father and terrorize his little sister. Connor found that he agreed that it was different now, things were...different but he wasn’t exactly sure that was a good thing either. Sure he yelled less and listened more but it didn’t mean he wasn’t still angry, these days he was just tired. 

Tired of the dreary routine, the worried glances his parents still threw his way when they thought he couldn’t see them, and tired of everyone walking on eggshells around him as though he’d slit his wrists over the smallest disagreement. But then again, wouldn’t he? He’d done it before and while things were better than they had been in September, his life still wasn’t flowers and sunshine or anything close to it. He still lost control when his parents nagged him every three seconds about everything they thought he was doing wrong in life, he still wasn’t exactly on speaking terms with his sister, and he still spent days laying in his bed fighting off the feeling that the world would be better off without him. So yeah, Connor was tired. 

He breezed through his first two classes, barely remembering a word from any of the lectures, he wasn’t exactly striving to be the valedictorian, he just wanted out of this hell hole. Besides, Alana Beck would more likely than not send him her neatly written, and highlighted notes. She was possibly the only person Connor could consider a friend, or acquaintance, as she’d say, and Connor thought about how utterly lonely that made him feel as he made his way towards the library. 

More often than not he found himself either here or in his car on the days Zoe got a ride from her friends. His mother tended to force the two to drive together in the mornings in an attempt to encourage bonding but if anything, they fought more on those days. Whether it was about who got to choose the music or how fast Connor was going or Zoe’s guitar taking up the whole back seat; they seemed to argue about any and everything. 

Connor was surprised to find someone sitting in his section, well not really his section but he almost always laid claim to a particular table in the back corner of the library where no one could bother him. And of all 987 people that attended his school, of course the person sitting in his spot would be Evan Hansen. 

Evan Hansen was an enigma; to Connor at least. Though he hadn’t spent a whole lot of time with him, he had technically known him for about 12 years now. For one, Hansen had very obvious social anxiety which made him a bit of an outcast. From what Connor had seen, he only ever talked to Kleinman. Second, there was a dark side to the Hansen kid; not that he was a secret hit man or anything..more like he had some demons. He hadn’t said much in the computer lab that first day of school but the faraway look in his eyes after Connor asked about his arm had pretty much explained everything he needed to know about the kid; if only because he saw that same look in his own eyes later that night in the bathroom. And third, Evan Hansen was nice. Now that was a trait that could be used to describe most people but Connor didn’t experience kindness often, or really at all. No one asked Connor how his day was or if he wanted to hang out sometime, if they weren’t actively cutting him down with words, they were pretending he wasn’t there at all.

But Evan Hansen of all people had checked up on him. Connor had pretended to be asleep when Evan visited him in the hospital mostly because he just didn’t know what to say to the boy. When Evan had left, Connor opened his eyes to find a handwritten note on his bedside table. Though there wasn’t much written aside from a ‘hope you feel better soon - Evan’ Connor had started to sob so hard that a nurse ran in thinking he had managed to hurt himself again. Hansen had shown him kindness even when Connor had not only pushed him into the lockers that morning but then stole his personal letter, accused Evan of trying to humiliate him and again pushed him to the ground because of Connor’s own insecurities. 

Connor had meant to reach out to the boy when he returned to school from treatment but despite working on getting better and even managing a bit of progress in therapy, Connor had never built up the courage to approach him. And when two months had passed since that first day of school, he felt that it might be too late, that it’d be weird now if he tried to befriend him. So he didn’t. On occasion, they spoke a handful of words to each other in the hall but Connor reasoned that it was because their lockers were next to each other and it was impolite not to greet someone who stood next to you literally every morning. Aside from that, they’d been paired together a few times for chemistry labs but the conversation never developed further than reading off the instructions and comparing worksheet answers. 

There had only ever been one time Connor got a glimpse into Evan’s life and maybe if he hadn’t been so focused on his own recovery, he would have tried to harder to be there for him. He found Evan sitting down on the sidewalk in their school’s back parking lot. School had been let out for a while by then but Connor was required to stay behind every other day to catch up on the month’s worth of work he missed during his stay at the hospital. Evan looked tired that day and coming from someone who barely managed to get 4 hours of sleep a night, Connor knew he had to be in a bad place to be looking that out of it. 

“You feeling okay, Hansen?” Evan turned to him slowly, uncharacteristic of a boy who jumped at the slightest noise. 

“My mom...she was supposed to pick me up an hour ago. She...she forgot.” He spoke quietly, like he hadn’t even meant for Connor to hear what he was saying, like it didn’t matter if he did or not. “Again.” 

“Maybe she’s just held up...traffic or something.” Evan gave him a hollow look and not for the first time, Connor wondered if he looked as empty as the boy in front of him did in that moment. 

“It’s like I don’t even exist to anyone.” His words brought Connor back to Evan’s letter on that first day.

‘would anyone even notice if I disappeared tomorrow?’ 

“You exist to me.” Hansen seemed surprised to hear that if the look on his face was anything to go by, though to be fair, Connor was not known to be particularly kind to anyone. 

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you...that day in the lab. I just, the letter, it wasn’t for you.” Evan replied shakily. 

“Yeah, I kind of flipped out, it was shitty of me...and I never told you I was sorry for that, which I am by the way, that wasn’t a good day for me.” Connor trailed off staring out towards the empty parking lot rather than the boy beside him who seemed to be having considerable trouble breathing. But before Evan had the chance to reply, a beat up honda pulled up to the curb and honked at the two of them, Connor could faintly see a disheveled woman in scrubs through the windshield. Evan got up quickly waving at her to wait a moment, subtly turning to rub at his eyes, he turned back and looked at Connor who managed a half smile at him. 

“I’m glad you’re okay.” And then he turned and jogged to the car. Connor sat there for a while longer mulling over the encounter and found himself reconsidering how he felt about the Hansen kid. Later, when he got home, Connor laid in his bed and wondered how he’d never noticed that Evan had freckles. 

\- 

Evan considered himself pretty smart, above average at least, though he knew he wouldn’t be curing cancer or anything, he could wax poetic about ecosystems. Somehow though, Romeo & Juliet required a whole new set of skills that Evan did not currently possess and he soon grew frustrated with the text nearly 4 pages in. Shoving the book away, he turned to grab his backpack when he spotted a familiar face standing near the biography aisle. Connor was leaning against a bookshelf picking at his fingernails, a zoned out look on his angular face. Evan was surprised to find that the boy was half smiling, presumably at some passing thought. He found that Connor looked….good, when he smiled, not that he didn’t usually look good, because that would be rude of Evan to think, anyway he liked how carefree Connor looked for a moment. He much preferred it to the glare Connor wore when he walked the halls during passing periods. Not that he paid attention to Connor all the time, because the would be weird. He should probably stop staring now before someone noticed and thought he was being creepy. Or even worse, if Connor noticed and got mad that Evan was staring and then Evan would have to tell him why he was staring and then Connor might tell everyone that Evan was creepy. 

And then all at once, Connor made eye contact with him. Evan’s head whipped around back towards the table so quickly that he thought he might have given himself whiplash. He felt his face flush a deep red mostly in embarrassment and he kind of hoped Connor wouldn’t come over to him even though some small part of him knew that he definitely would. 

And then he did. 

\- 

Connor’s mother, his sister, his father, and even his therapist had mentioned that Connor was impulsive at times and he genuinely was trying to work on thinking before acting but Evan Hansen was staring at him and he wanted to know why. He wasn’t upset like he’d usually be when people watched him in the halls, and maybe that was because Connor knew Evan wasn’t staring because he thought Connor was scary or weird; Hansen didn’t seem like the asshole type. That only heightened his curiosity. Connor took the seat across from the other boy. 

Connor had already sat down when he asked, “Do you mind if I sit?” Evan gave him a panicked look but shook his head anyway. 

“No, you uh, yeah you can sit here. Uhm. If you want. I’m not gonna stop you or whatever.” 

“Something on your mind, Hansen?” Evan paled. He was attempting to read the vibe Connor was giving off, he didn’t seem angry but he also couldn’t be sure Connor wasn’t playing some joke on him. The anxiety at having to try and comprehend the situation led Evan to blurt out the first coherent thing his mind could come up with. 

“I-I think you have a nice smile.” And even though the words came out of his own mouth, Evan still seemed to be the one most caught off guard by them, Connor was a very close second. Evan had never really seen his face that red before and Connor must have realized this because he immediately looked down at the table instead. “I’m so sor-”

“I have to go.” And then Connor was gone it an instant, nearly sprinting away. Evan sat there for a while trying to piece together what exactly had just happened and where he stood with Connor now. Though, he was never really sure about that honestly. If someone asked, he might say they were hesitant acquaintances..not strangers but certainly not close enough to really be considered friends. You couldn’t really call someone who understood the worst parts of yourself a stranger. 

Still, he was at least partially mortified that those words came out of his mouth. He would talk to Jared about it but he was absolutely positive Jared would spend 45 minutes telling him how gay he sounded or that Connor was gonna kill him, or both. So when he made his way over to lunch, he stayed silent while Jared ranted about the disaster that was fallout 76. The only videogame knowledge Evan had started and ended with wii sports so it’s not like he could even pretend to participate in the conversation. 

 

-

After a bland weekend spent laying around his couch watching reruns, Evan awoke on Monday to his mom bustling around his room with clothes strewn over her arms. 

“Sweetie, it’s almost 8, how about you take a shower, I can finish packing and then I’ll make you some breakfast. Ms. Tuckett said you should be at the school by 10 and I know you like to be early.” Evan nodded blearily making his way to the shower, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He knew this was a big deal for his mom. He’d never spent more than a weekend away from her in his life. Even when she worked double shifts or their schedules didn’t line up, she was always a constant and he had to admit, it was going to be strange to be away from her for so long. He wasn’t even sure if he’d be able to call her incase he wanted to feign sick and somehow leave the trip early. He took a breath.

‘This is a growing experience Evan’ Dr. Sherman’s voice echoed in his head. He tried to look on the brightside. Fresh air, beautiful forest, not having to be in school...the brightside. Though in the back of his head he was listing off all the not so bright sides.

-

Connor was not at all looking forward to a week in the forest with a bunch of assholes who spent most of their time tormenting him in the halls. Sure the scenery would be nice but not nice enough to distract him from his peers. Even worse, his sister would be by his side the entire time. It wasn’t enough that they were twins, apparently that also meant that they absolutely had to be attached at the hip according to his parents. 

He wasn’t even sure what he was supposed to pack. Connor wasn’t exactly the outdoorsy type so his selection of hiking clothes was fairly limited. He managed to find a single pair of shorts among the dozens of ripped jeans scattered around his closet and shoved those in with swim trunks and called it a day. He didn’t need to worry about sunscreen or bug spray; knowing his mother she’d pile together anything she thought the two siblings may need at any point on their trip and make sure Zoe didn’t forget to grab it when they left later that morning. Cynthia as per usual was unbelievably excited to see her children ‘bonding’, failing to notice that Zoe only agreed to go on the trip to hang out with one, Alana Beck. Connor was convinced there were feelings there but wasn’t exactly close enough to either of the girls to comment on it.

“Connor if you’re not down here in 2 minutes I’m leaving without you.” He heard his sister shout distantly. Groaning, he sat up on the bed, swapped out his shirt for a cleaner one, passed the mirror without a glance and grabbed his backpack on the way to the stairs. 

“I’m driving.” he muttered, passing by his sister and heading straight for the door. Cynthia managed to stop him before he made it out, looking him over like a wounded animal and then hesitantly kissing his forehead. 

“Be safe you two, and have fun. Zoe, you have the satellite phone incase something happens right? And Connor don’t forget about the sun screen, you know your face burns easily.”

“Mom we’re gonna be late.” Zoe butted in, Connor subtly gave her a grateful look, getting through the door while he had the chance. 

“Well okay then, but really, if you two need anything, and I mean anything.”

“Yeah, yeah we’ll call mom. Love you!” She shouted over her shoulder following Connor to the car. Realistically, it would have been much easier to have their parents drive them instead of leaving the car at school for a whole week but both the siblings agreed that if Cynthia had taken them, they would be sitting in that car for who knows how long while she listed off every single thing they needed to watch out for. Besides, this meant they didn’t have to wait for their parents to pick them up when the week was over. 

The buses had just began loading when the Murphy Siblings made it there, separating as they walked towards the lines of students. Zoe immediately found her way to Alana who beamed when she saw the girl. Connor on the other hand, walked to the back of the line, shoving his hands in his pockets, his eyes focused on the sidewalk rather than the whispers about him.

‘Oh Connor Murphy is going? Well he must be planning to kill everyone.’

‘Look at Connor Murphy, standing alone, what a fucking loser.’

‘There goes Connor Murphy, the psychopath, even his sister doesn’t want to be seen with him.’

His internal monologue went on and on as the eyes of his peers bored into his back. 

\- 

After breakfast, Evan’s mother dropped him at Jared’s and ran off to work after a quick goodbye and Evan found himself in the back of Jared’s car on the way to school.

“Evan, I trust you to keep this one out of trouble and not do something stupid like accidentally eat poison ivy.” 

“Mom that was one time.” 

“Yes, the one time you go camping without Evan and you eat poison ivy, now promise me you’ll listen to him.”Jared mumbled back, “What was that Jare?”

“I said….I promise I’ll listen to Evan….when he tells me not to eat something.” His mom shot his a quick glare and then smiled warmly.

“I just want you two to have fun, I mean it’s your senior trip. Your last big hoorah with the rest of your class. I swear you two were just in diapers.”

“Yeah yeah mom I get it...friends for life blah blah blah, can we go?” Jared’s mom subtly swiped a tear from her eye and nodded stepping out to open the trunk for the two boys. Jared’s pack seemed to be twice the size of Evan’s and he found himself a bit suspicious as to what exactly Jared had decided to bring. Nevertheless, they dragged their things to the bus and deposited them in the storage area underneath. 

Stepping on the bus, Jared quickly found a seat near the back with some friends of his. This left Evan scrambling. He felt immediately panicked at all these people staring at him. The bus they’d hopped on was nearly full and Evan felt vaguely angry that they had gotten here so late. If Jared hadn’t packed until the last minute, Evan could’ve gotten on the bus early to avoid the awkwardness of trying to pick a seat. Rather than having a violent panic attack in front of everyone, though it wouldn’t be the first time, Evan grabbed the first open seat he could see. He managed to take a deep breath and then they were off.


	2. Just a friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, Endgame ruined my soul,,,enjoy the mess !!

This was fine, totally fine. Evan Hansen was sitting next to him, Evan Hansen, whom he had literally run away from earlier in the week. Not one of his brightest moments but...He was hoping he wouldn’t have to deal with the aftermath of that any time soon but now he’d be trapped next to him for at least the next four hours. 

Evan hadn’t glanced over and seen him yet and Connor wasn’t sure he should alert him to his presence. Of the two of them, Connor was sure he was more nervous, surprisingly. Hansen took a deep breath and snuck a glance to his right. He made eye contact with Connor, holding his gaze for half a second before turning back towards the ground. 

“Hi, Connor.” The boy mumbled.

“Hansen.” He replied.

“I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Is that a problem?” Connor said, a hint of anger in his tone. 

“No...just surprised..I guess..you don’t seem like someone who likes class trips. Sorry.” 

“Zoe wanted to go...If I want car privileges I had to come with her.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

They remained mostly silent during the first half of the ride, Connor did his best to tune out the commotion around him as well as Hansen’s constant fidgeting around. He wasn’t so much annoyed as he was curious. 

Some external force kept dragging Evan Hansen into his life and Connor was starting to feel like there was a reason for all of this. 

Now, he didn’t exactly believe in some higher power or in fate but there had to be a reason Connor found Evan’s self-deprecating letter that day, or why Evan came to see him in the hospital, or that day on the school’s front steps when Evan unknowingly admitted that he was just as lonely as Connor felt most days. 

-

After two and a half hours, they made their first stop in a rundown, middle of nowhere town. Students piled out of the buses splitting up between the public restrooms and the few fast food restaurants within walking distance. As soon as the chaperone finished giving instructions, Evan was on his way to find something to eat. 

He paused in contemplation.

On the one hand, he could get some real food from subway across the street but that would require talking to someone. What if he couldn’t decide what toppings he wanted and held up the line? Then everyone on the bus would be mad at him for taking so long. Not to mention the fact that he would have to make awkward small talk with the sandwich maker...sandwich chef? While he waited for his sandwich to get toasted. 

On the other hand, if he got snacks from the gas station he’d probably be hungry later and he had no idea when they were gonna eat next. He was growing thoroughly frustrated with his inability to make such a small decision while his classmates passed him in groups, laughing and hanging out without a care in the world. Evan wondered where Jared had run off too.

Evan idled around the corner for a couple more minutes, looking down at his blank phone to avoid looking as helpless as he felt. 

-

 

Connor was thankful for the break, mostly just to be able to smoke a cigarette behind the subway away from the prying eyes of his classmates and most importantly, his sister. He was not going to make it one whole week if she spent 85% of her time complaining that he smelled like cigarettes and that she’d tell their mom if he didn’t stop. He wasn’t sure why it mattered anyway, he was 18 if he wanted to smoke, he was sure as hell going to whether or not his mother gave him her best disapproving look. 

Connor relaxed against the wall, flicking the butt of the cigarette on the ground and stepping on it. He took a deep breath, pushing himself up. He wasn’t hungry, he usually never was but he figured he should try to eat something before they got back on the road. He turned the corner, finding a familiar face across the street. Hansen was pacing back and forth, wringing his hands frantically. Connor made his way over to the boy, cautiously clearing his throat before coming to stand in front of him. 

“What’s up, Hansen?” Evan clenched his fists, taking a deep breath to avoid verbally spewing all his worries to Connor. 

“Nothing..just hanging out..ya know.” Connor almost laughed at the strain in Evan’s voice, the casual tone contrasting with how distressed he looked.

“You hungry?”

“What?”

“Do you want some food?” Connor said in a gentle tone.

“I could...eat something, yeah.”

“You cool with Subway?” The shorter boy nodded, letting Connor lead the way. A part of him felt relieved to not have to make the decision himself. He wasn’t sure how Connor did that, he always showed up in Evan’s darkest moments and provided the smallest reprieves. The restaurant was busier than he would prefer it but Evan wasn’t going to turn back now, not when Connor was holding the door for him. “What do you want? I’ll order if you wanna grab a table.” 

“Oh, you don’t have too..”

“Hansen..I’m offering, find a table.” He managed a smile, surprising both of them, Evan nodded again telling Connor what he wanted before walking towards the least populated area he could see. He wasn’t sure if Connor was okay with sitting under a tree but Evan knew he tended to stay away from the crowds at school so he was hoping he wouldn’t mind it. Connor exited the sub shop, completely unsurprised to find Hansen as far away from the other students as he could get. Maybe the two of them had more in common than he thought. 

-

Lunch with Connor was quiet, not exactly awkward but both the boys seemed unsure of what to say and both unwilling to speak first. There were a lot of things Connor wanted to say to Evan or rather ask him and he didn’t think that they were exactly close enough to have a heart to heart or whatever. Evan wasn’t used to being this close to Connor and in the silence, he was able to truly look at him. He noticed that one of Connor’s eyes were a slightly different color, and his hair though unruly looked really soft. He noticed Connor’s nails were painted purple, not black like he’d originally thought when passing him in the hall between their lockers every morning. Evan knew it was a little creepy to stare at him like this but he couldn’t help it. Evan found himself wondering if Connor’s lips were as soft as they looked. As soon as the thought processed however, he managed to choke on his sandwich. He coughed for a second, his entire face blushing red. Evan took a drink of water calming himself down. He looked across the table and found Connor staring at him. 

“You good?”

“Yeah, yep. fine!. How are you?” 

Connor looked amused and slightly confused but answered the question anyway, “I could be worse. I guess it’s kinda nice to have a...friend... Here. Better than listening to Zoe complain at me all week.” Evan had to stop himself from choking again, luckily, Connor didn’t seem to notice.

“And this time we don’t even have to pretend.”

“You remember that?”

“Uh, yeah. T-that day was sort of uhm not great for me I guess, so it just stuck in my mind..” 

“Yeah…” The conversation fades awkwardly as Connor momentarily relives that day in his head He thinks that maybe if things had been different, they really could have been friends. But the Connor that walked into school on the first day of senior year already had his mind made up, Evan just got caught in the crossfire. 

They made it back to their bus before most of the students. As much as he was dreading it, Connor gave Evan the window seat because the boy looked absolutely drained. 

Soon enough, they were back on the road and the raucous noise from before had dimmed down now that everyone had gotten some food in them. Evan found himself starting to feel drowsy as he watched the sun set slowly, the sky erupting in hues of pink and purple. He let his eyes drop closed not realizing that his head had leaned onto something that definitely wasn’t a window.

\- 

Connor froze, feeling a weight on his shoulder. He turned his head minutely, realizing Hansen had fallen asleep. Should he wake him? His classmates would expect him to throw Evan off or punch him but they also expected him to shoot up the school so…

And sure, he had the tendency to glare at anyone who looked at him funny in the halls or occasionally punch a random asshole in the face but he wasn’t a total monster. And he’d never admit it to another living soul but Evan Hansen looked kind of cute when he was asleep. Gone were the nervous eyes and perpetual frown; he looked relaxed and Connor was thankful for that. Slowly, so as not to startle him, Connor snuggled closer to the boy, resting his head against the seat.

They made it to the motel half-past 7 pm, they’d only be staying for the night and then setting up camp somewhere in Yellowstone Park. The chaperones led them off the buses, Connor gently nudged Hansen awake helping him stand as they made their way off the bus. The boys separated to grab their bags and room assignments. Connor lost sight of the blue polo and khakis within the crowd of students. 

“Murphy and…..Murphy. Room 206” Connor groaned. Of course the school would break their non-co ed rule to force him to room with his sister. He grabbed the room cards, walking towards the motel without waiting for her, she’d find him eventually.

He knew curfew was at 11 pm but aside from a quick cigarette and a stop at the vending machine, he didn’t really feel like bonding with his hellish peers. He was fully aware that his name was not on the invite list to any of the their outings this week, or any week really. 

-

Evan was surprised to find he was paired with Jared, he was sure his mom had talked to the school or something. To be fair, it wasn’t difficult to figure out that only one person in the senior class would talk to him or put up with him...well, except for maybe Connor. 

He was still feeling a bit drowsy but when he realized Connor Murphy of all people had let him sleep on his shoulder, he nearly gave himself a panic attack. Unsurprisingly, he made it to the room first, he took a seat on the bed closest to the bathroom rifling through his beat-up bag searching for some sleeping clothes. He’d had enough sleepovers with Jared over the years to know that it didn’t matter what he wore, yet it still made him anxious trying to decide. He headed to the small bathroom for a shower, the hope was that it would calm him down. 

-

“Hey asshole, thanks for waiting for me.” Connor heard his sister yelling through the thin door. Unlocking the door, he blindly threw her the spare room key as he moved towards his bag to grab something to sleep in. Zoe glared at his back, dropping her bags onto the other bed. 

“What were you doing with Evan Hansen? I saw you guys sitting together. He’s a nervous kid Connor...just don’t mess with him, okay?” Connor saw red for half a second, taking a deep breath in an attempt not to lose it right then and there. Fighting with her on the fight day of a seven-day trip was not what he needed right now. 

“It’s none of your business Zoe. Stay out of it.” He hissed through gritted teeth. 

Apparently, Zoe wasn’t getting the message because she kept going, “Connor I’m serious, he’s not just some random guy you can mess with, he’s-”

“Zoe. Fucking drop it.” Connor turned to her, his fists clenched as he advanced towards her. Zoe stumbled away from him, hitting the door. She watched as the guilt flooded him, realizing that she was still scared that he’d hit her. He knew he hadn’t given much of a reason to think he’d changed but he thought she’d at least trust him enough to not lay a hand on her. 

He never had before and yet the fear in her eyes was always there. That look made him completely deflate, the anger replaced with paralyzing self-hatred. He grabbed his bag off the bed and rushed to the bathroom, slamming the door shut without another word. 

-

Zoe hadn’t expected the conversation to go sideways that quickly. She stood near the door breathing heavily, a hand over her chest, willing her heartbeat to slow. Connor was better, but he was still Connor. The one who got high and then got angry and then threatened to kill her. She was healing, trying to learn to forgive him and try to understand what he’s going through but sometimes he made it so difficult. She felt somewhat guilty for immediately thinking the worst of him but it’s not like he’d ever shown her something different. 

She wiped her eyes before any real tears had the chance to fall. She knew she should probably stay and watch him, make sure he didn’t do something but Zoe was tired of babysitting. Besides, some of the band kids had told her there was a ‘party’ happening at the pool and she knew Alana would be there if only to make sure no one drowned. 

She made the decision to avoid going back to the room to grab her swimsuit, she was in no hurry to run into Connor right now; though he’d no doubt barricaded himself in the bathroom for the time being anyway. She wasn’t gonna risk it. A part of her felt worried for a moment, Connor didn’t deal well on his own and she was still recovering from the last time he’d locked himself into a bathroom. 

No, that was months ago. Connor was...he was better now. They weren’t the closest siblings in the world but she knew he wouldn’t do that to her again. She made her way over to the pool. 

-

Connor groaned, both annoyed with himself and his sister’s nosiness. The quiet of the room was unsettling, allowing him to hear his labored breaths all while looking up from the bathroom floor, the sound of a creaking fan in the distance, and the occasional footsteps of people passing by the room. 

Part of him felt like pulling his hair out, punching the rusty motel mirror until it shattered, splintering his knuckles with glass shards. The other part of him felt paralyzed with guilt and shame at his uncontrollable rage.

why can’t you stop hurting people Connor?

Even the best parts of his day with Evan were marred with memories of pushing the kid with a broken arm and an anxiety disorder. 

Connor considered just staying there on the bathroom floor and drifting off but knew his back would kill him later if he did. No doubt, Zoe would be gone at least long enough to fall asleep. He fell into bed having completely forgotten that he was gonna change, he felt too worn out to complete the simple task now. He closed his eyes and let himself drift off.

-

Evan woke up to loud stomping around, finding Jared moving around their small room in his signature Star Wars boxers. 

“Look who decided to join the land of the living. I can’t find my sunscreen, can I use yours?” Evan leaned over the bed, pulling out the half-empty bottle and tossing it blindly. 

“Spray it outside please, the chemicals are bad for you.” 

“No way I’m letting the entire senior class see me like this, it’d be too much for their innocent eyes to handle.”

“Mhmm.” Evan rummaged through his bag again, pulling out a light blue t-shirt. Behind him, Jared started spraying himself, immediately coughing from the fumes. But because he refused to acknowledge his mistakes, he continued to spray while holding his breath.

“How many pillows did you bring?”

“You can’t borrow any.”

“Wow Hansen, one day with psycho Murphy and you’ve already grown some balls huh?”

Evan paused, “Connor isn’t that bad, he was nice to me…”

“You just gravitate towards the Murphy’s, don’t you Acorn?”

“Connor is just... A friend.”

“Does he know that? You two looked pretty cozy on the bus.”

“I fell asleep.” Evan reasoned.

Jared walked towards the bed, picking up his phone, scrolling through it for a minute before abruptly tossing it to him.

Evan turned it over finding an awkwardly angled, grainy image of himself cuddled up to Connor Murphy of all people. They looked, strangely intimate and domestic, like they belonged together; the thought made Evan's heartbeat stutter for a moment. Connor looked unusually relaxed, a half smile playing on his lips, his head tilted upwards with his eyes closed. 

“Where did you get this?” Evan asked, suddenly alarmed. 

“Oh, Alana Beck asked me if you guys were close.” 

“W-what did you say?” 

“I told her you were secretly fucking Connor so he’d spare you when he shoots up the school.” 

“Jared!” 

“Joking Ev, god, maybe you should fuck him. That’d loosen you up finally...in more ways than one.” Jared cackled staring at his anxious friend’s reddening face. 

“When are we leaving?” Avoidance was one of Evan’s biggest talents. 

“40 minutes. Get dressed, Acorn.” 

\- 

The bus dropped the lot of them off about two hours later after a quick diner breakfast. The plan was that they’d spread out over four campsites, Jared and Evan had gotten assigned to lot C, nearest to the lake. 

Evan got busy setting up their shared tent, failing to notice the brown-haired twins setting up their own only 20 feet away. 

Jared, on the other hand, watched the two unsuspecting boys with a smirk on his face, maybe this trip would get interesting after all. He definitely wasn’t one of Connor’s biggest fans but having him here with Evan was sure to produce some quality entertainment. 

“Hey Acorn, look who's joining the party.”

“Huh?” Evan poked his head around the corner and glanced behind Jared. He paled, moving to slide into the tent. 

“Oh come on Ev, don’t you wanna say hello to the neighbors?” Jared cackled loudly, catching the attention of the siblings. Immediately, Connor groaned upon recognizing him and then gave him a curious look before swiftly walking off. Zoe yelled after him, groaning at the realization that she would be finishing the construction of their tent, on her own. 

Evan poked his head back out of the tent flap, watching Connor’s retreating form. And then a figure blocked his sight of the other boy. 

“Hey, you’re Evan, right? Evan Hansen?” 

“Evan Hansen yeah, I’m Evan. That’s my name.” He looked down laughing awkwardly. 

“I’m Zoe. Connor’s sister. We’re like right across from you guys in the green tent if you wanna come hang out with Connor later.” She trailed off watching Evan’s face flush red again. Despite the fact that mere hours ago she was warning Connor to stay away from this boy, after Alana had shown her the picture of the two of them together, she wondered if there might be something there between them. Whether that was friendship or something more didn’t matter, if Evan Hansen was able to make her brother a little happier, a little less insufferable, then she was willing to meddle just a little bit to push them together. 

“I’ll think about it..thanks, Zoe.” Like her brother, Evan watched her walk away and slip into her tent. Evan laid back on his sleeping bag. He couldn’t decide if being with the Murphys’ all week was a good thing or a recipe for disaster. On the one hand, Connor seemed to like hanging out with him or at least tolerated him. But the more time they spent together, the more chances Evan would have to embarrass himself or say something stupid. Not to mention the warm tingly feelings Evan kept experiencing whenever he thought about Connor. He was pretty sure he understood what they meant but in an effort to prevent a panic attack, he decided not to dwell on those thoughts at the moment. 

“Are you gonna stay in there all day? Evan stared at his ‘family’ friend wondering if he’d make fun of him for sharing his insecurities. 

“I don’t know..is Connor back?”

“Good to know your priorities Ev. No, the psychopath is still stalking through the woods. Alana’s here, she wants to talk to you.”

“Why?” 

“Why are girls flocking to our tent to talk to you? I don’t know, but she’s persistent so get your ass out here.” Evan followed him out. 

“Evan! Jared was just telling me you guys were rooming together. Personally, sleeping next to an acquaintance in the middle of the woods makes me quite uncomfortable so I’m rooming on my own but I’m sure you’ll have fun.” Evan opened his mouth to reply but she kept going. “Anyway, I was coming to invite you guys to a small get together tonight. We’re planning to get a fire going and cook some s’mores. You know, I’ve never had s’mores before, never been camping either, so I’m really excited to get to know everyone a bit more this week.” She paused to take a breath, “So should I expect you two to make an appearance?” 

“Uhm, well I'm not really sure, might um, be busy later..” Evan lied through his teeth knowing he had absolutely nothing better to do. 

“Connor will be there...I heard you were friends.”

“Oh, I, yeah uh I guess we’re friends.” 

“So you’ll be there?”

“He’ll be there.” Jared chimed in, putting an arm around Evan’s shoulders. 

“Great! My tent is the purple one down near the shore. We’ll probably start right after sunset.” Alana waved, turning towards the Murphy tent to sit next to Zoe while she strummed her guitar quietly. Evan gave Jared a disapproving look.

“I just wanted her to stop talking before she self-combusted but hey, at least we have plans tonight, right?”

“Yeah...great.” Evan said, a fake tone of enthusiasm seeping through his voice. Jared’s smile dropped. 

“Listen, Evan...I know we’re not really close anymore but I’ve known you literally forever. This is our senior trip, our last hoorah or whatever..or really our first and only hoorah and I know I kind of suck but I want us to have fun...if you don’t wanna go to this thing tonight, we don’t have to go.” Evan was surprised at his candor, Jared hadn’t been open with him like this in..ever. 

“We can go..could be fun.” Jared patted him on the arm awkwardly, both boys were ready to leave the conversation before it got weird.

“Wanna look around?” Evan nodded, following Jared to a worn dirt path off to the side. 

-

Admittedly, Connor was annoyingly impulsive and he wished he’d thought about that before he yet again, sprinted away from Hansen. This time, at the mere sight of him. He just felt flustered and panicked, and he wasn’t entirely sure why. This morning, Zoe had come back around 3 am and pretended like their altercation hadn’t happened which made him both anxious and grateful. Maybe, the thought of being in such close proximity of his sister, his potential new friend, and Jared fucking Kleinman was a little too overwhelming for him. He didn’t get to ponder that thought as he tripped over something and came tumbling to the ground. Connor groaned at the pain in his back, hearing a shuffling sound, he turned his head and found a brightly colored tent. 

“Oh my god, Connor?” Alana stared down at him. 

“Beck...funny seeing you here.” He said humorlessly. 

“Are you hurt? I have a first aid kit, hold on.” He rolled over onto the dirt and sat up looking himself over. 

Aside from a handful of twigs in his hair, he seemed to be just fine. Alana looked him over anyway, noting a few bruises and scrapes forming on his left shoulder. 

“Well now that you’re here, I asked Zoe if you guys wanted to come to a bonfire tonight, she already said yes.” 

“Uh, thanks Beck but I’m not really into holding hands and singing kumbaya around a fire with a bunch of people who hate me.” She gave him a hard stare.

“It’s not like that, just a few acquaintances..I already told Evan Hansen you’d be there and I’d appreciate if you didn’t make me a liar.”

“You’re a lot more evil than you look Beck.” 

“I know where to find you if you don’t show...Murphy.” She parroted back at him. 

“Fair enough.” Connor stood, brushing himself off. It was almost unsettling how well Alana seemed to know him sometimes. “See you later.” 

“See you, Connor.” Alana chirped at his retreating form.


	3. Flower crown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took a minute,,,,,writers block is hard. Anyway I saw Ben Platt on tour a few weeks ago and he really is a beautiful little gay angel and his album means a lot to me, if yall get the chance, see the show, it's worth it!! Enjoy the chapter!!

Evan was in awe at the beauty of the forest surrounding him. Jared led the way, knowing Evan would get distracted and lose sight of the hiking path. 

 

“So Evan….” Jared started, a falsely innocent tone coating his voice, “Interested in anyone?”

 

Evan snapped out of his reverie and gave Jared a suspicious glare. “What does that mean?”

 

“You really want me to say it?”

 

“You know what? Yeah I do.” 

 

“Okay fine. You asked for it though, remember that. I wanted to know which Murphy has filled the leading role of your wet dreams these days.” Evan saw that one coming. He could probably brush the question off, tell Jared to drop it but, honestly, he sort of needed someone to talk him through this apparent sexual crisis he’d been having as of late. 

 

“I think i’m bisexual.” 

 

“Oh, both of them huh? Kinky.” 

 

“Jared, no.” 

 

“Fine. Go on.” 

 

“I liked Zoe for a long time, or I thought I did. I don’t know. It’s not like I know her, she just looked nice and she smiled at me sometimes and that was enough I guess.” He paused in contemplation. “But Connor, he’s so different than what I thought, and he’s funny and nice to me and he doesn’t smile a lot but when he does, I feel like i’m going to explode because he just..he shines. And I think maybe he understands me, I don’t know, it’s stupid.” Evan turned from Jared.

 

“Okay first of all, that’s the gayest thing I’ve ever heard. And second of all, I can’t believe I’m saying this but you should go after him. I mean, I'm still not entirely convinced he’s not a serial killer but if you really like him then tell him that.”

 

“I can’t just..tell him. Look at me.” Jared gives him a displeased look. 

 

“You want a wingman? I can tell him you’re like super ripped or whatever.” 

 

“I thought we were having a serious conversation.”

 

“I am serious. I mean one of us should get laid before we graduate right? If I have to get up close and personal with Murphy to get my boy some action, then so be it.” He replied through a smile. 

 

“I don’t even know if I like him like that...he’s just, I don’t know, pretty.” 

 

“Okay lover boy, you figure all your shit out and leave the rest up to me.” They veered off the dirt path towards a clearing. “Hey look at that.”

 

Ahead of them, Evan sees what looks like some type of rope swaying lightly in the breeze, hanging off of a tree near the shore line. “Holy shit, it’s a tire swing, we gotta come back here with swimsuits. You’re cool with heights right?” Evan almost laughed, the irony of the question not lost on him.

 

“Yeah...I’m good with heights.” They stayed at the clearing for a while, Jared testing out the swing so they didn’t end up coming back just to fall on their ass in case the rope snapped. 

 

Eventually, Jared complained that if he didn’t get a hot dog within the next ten minutes, he would ‘literally waste away’ in front of Evan’s eyes and they made their way back towards camp. Jared stopped to mark a tree just outside the clearing with his pocket knife so they could find their way back later, Evan made sure to tell him that he didn’t approve of that and earned an eye roll in response. 

 

-

 

“So...are we gonna ignore that or?” Connor looked down at his sister as he crawled into the tent across from her. 

 

“Went for a walk.” 

 

“Yeah, no, I saw that. Just wanted to know if we were gonna pretend you didn’t freak out because of Evan Hansen.”

 

“Really, we’re getting into this again?”

 

“Listen Con, I’m sorry, I kind of hounded you yesterday. I shouldn’t assume the worst of you and I know you’ve been trying.” He stared at her silently, momentarily stunned. 

 

“Uh, thanks?” Zoe almost laughed at his awkwardness, watching him pick at his cuticles as he undoubtedly tried to think of ways to get out of this conversation. 

 

“So, Evan…”

 

“We’re not doing this.” 

 

“I’m trying to call a truce here but you have to give me something or i’ll just ask him myself.” 

 

“He’s a friend.”

 

“Just a friend?”

 

“Don’t push it, Zo.” She actually did laugh that time, enjoying this atypical common ground between them. 

 

“Did you see Alana?” 

 

“Yeah she basically threatened me with bodily harm if I don’t come to her little party, no thanks to you.” 

 

“Well it could be fun..I could braid your hair...like old times, if you want.” For the second time, Connor found himself surprised at her sudden change of heart towards him.

 

“That would be nice, thanks.” He turned his back to her, scooting back towards the air mattress until his back hit her knees. 

 

“What type of braid do you want?”

 

“Surprise me.” He replied quietly. Zoe reached for her phone, pulling up her roadtrip playlist for the days her and Alana spent driving around town aimlessly for hours. The tent filled with the sounds of soft instrumentals as she brushed through her brother’s knotted hair. The brush hit an unexpected snag, pulling Connor’s hair painfully, “Jesus fuck, try not to scalp me, this hair is the only thing I have going for me.” 

 

Zoe snorted, “Shut up.” 

 

“Fuck you.” Connor snapped back, though she could hear he said it with a smile. 

 

“Fuck you.” She replied, a calm settling around them as Zoe began an intricate mermaid braid down his hair. 

 

-

 

Evan watched mildly interested but mostly disgusted as Jared slathered an unrealistically large glob of mayonnaise on his hot dog.

 

“You’re give me anxiety.”

 

“You always have anxiety.”

 

“That’s not the point..that’s just wrong. Do you know how unhealthy that is?” 

 

“I’m here for a good time, Evan, not a long time.”

 

“Same, but i’m not even having a good time.” 

 

“Eat your oatmeal and be quiet, we’re gonna have a great time.” Evan looked down at his meal. The strawberries were a little soggy but mostly he was just happy he wasn’t forced to eat the monstrous concoctions that Jared called food. They found themselves sitting on a couple of fallen logs that they’d managed to drag over to the side of their tent. It seemed like most of the groups in their lot had the same idea as he watched people chatting loudly over small fires and outdoor cookers and lounging on folding chairs.

 

The sun was beginning its descent for the day, though, the temperature was still sweltering for everyone. Luckily, the soft breeze coming from the lake ahead of them kept Evan’s sweat glands under control. Evan heard the telltale sound of a zipper and turned his head to find the Murphy siblings finally emerging from their own tent. He immediately felt himself go still, a spoon of oatmeal pausing halfway to his mouth. The sight of Zoe laughing definitely brightened up his mood but behind her another person emerged, a smaller smile on his face, but god, if it didn’t momentarily blind Evan. He immediately noticed that Connor’s hair was braided, pulling the hair from his face and giving Evan a chance to really look at him like never before.

 

He looked lighter, softer, like the whole world wasn’t weighing on his shoulders right at that second. He held that hopeful smile Evan had caught him wearing that day in the library and then again from the photo on the bus. He decided that he’d do anything to see Connor smile like that again. He wondered how he’d feel if that smile was directed at him, caused by him even. He’d probably die on the spot. 

 

“Conman, other Murphy, come join us.” Jared called out, Evan’s gaze snapped to his friend narrowing in suspicion. Jared ignored the look, holding eye contact with the siblings instead. Zoe looked to her brother, raising her eyebrow in a silent question. Connor shrugged, walking forward. 

 

Without much thought, he took the seat directly next to Evan, Zoe followed behind with her own folded chair.

 

“You know I have a name right?” Zoe called out to Jared, pulling out a bag filled with neatly wrapped, premade grilled cheese sandwiches, courtesy of her mother of course. She set them on the portable grill to reheat. 

 

“Yeah but that’s not as fun, hotdog?” Jared held out a hand displaying another one of his creations, Zoe eyed it warily before shaking her head. 

 

“We’re all set...thanks.”

 

“So me and Evan found a tire swing.” Jared said, filling the awkward silence.

 

“No way! Where?” The two of them quickly dissolved into planning a group trip later that week while Evan and Connor watched quietly across from them. Evan set down his oatmeal, feeling awkward now that he had nothing to do with his hands. 

 

He stared at the ground surrounding their camp site, mentally cataloging all the flowers around them, making sure none of them happened to be poison ivy, for Jared’s sake. An idea came to him and before he fully processed it mentally, he was blurting it out. 

 

“Can I make you a flower crown?” Connor looked somewhat shocked, but mostly curious.

 

“What?” 

 

“Uhm..a flower crown, like out of flowers...I don’t know, it’s stupid..thought it would look nice with your hair braided like that or whatever..it’s stupid.”

 

“No it’s not stupid. I think that’d be pretty cool..show me how to make one?” If Evan was surprised by his nonchalant response, he didn’t show it, instead he moved towards the grass beckoning Connor to follow before finding a half shaded area surrounded by bright flowers and sturdy roots. 

“Okay so, uhm, you need a good base and what you’ll do is find small branches and weave them together like this,” he held up his hands for Connor to see, the beginning of a circle forming between his fingers, “and then you’ll secure them together with different roots so it doesn’t fall apart when you wear it..” Connor watched in awe as the crown began to take form and he hadn’t even started adding any flowers to it yet. 

 

“You’re like really good at this, Hansen.” Evan blushed, his fingers nearly slipping as he tied the end pieces together. 

 

“Jared and I used to go camping all the time when we were little and our parents basically let us run around and do whatever so we used to make flower crowns and swords out of sticks and we’d pretend we were kings of the forest…so I got really good at making things.”  _ And pretending _ , he thought to himself. 

 

“So what you’re saying is, by the end of this week, I'm gonna be the flower crown making champion of the world.”

 

“I don’t know about that, I mean you’d have to beat me.” Evan replied smugly. 

 

“You’re on Hansen. I’m gonna make you the best damn flower crown that this world has ever seen.” The two of them worked in comfortable silence, Evan occasionally offering Connor advice on his project while he himself, searched the ground for flowers that he thought would complement Connor well. 

 

At the end of an hour, Connor had managed to construct a semi-stable crown of sorts with mostly crushed flowers but presented it to Evan anyway. Evan carefully placed the object on his head, knowing it would fall apart as soon as he moved and handed Connor his own. Thick green roots wove around yellow and orange flowers giving Connor an almost ethereal look as he wore it paired with his braid. Zoe and Jared had been joined by Alana in the time it took them to complete their mini arts and crafts lesson on the forest floor. 

 

The two boys made their way back towards their friends, both looking unusually happy as they walked up. Jared, Zoe, and Alana turned to stare at the two of them each with knowing smiles. 

 

“You did flower crowns without me?” Jared put a hand over his heart, feigning devastation at this betrayal. 

 

“You hate flower crowns, they aggravate your allergies.”

 

“True but I love to be included.” He shot back at Evan. “Anyway, we’re going down to Alana’s to party it up so grab all your illegal paraphernalia.” Jared pointedly stared at Connor. To his side, Alana smacked his leg. 

 

“Hilarious as always, Klienman.” The five of them gathered their belongings and began the short trek with Jared in the lead, Alana and Zoe behind him, and Connor and Evan trailing behind them at a distance. Connor was tempted to grab Evan’s hand during the stroll but resisted the urge; they were barely friends as far as he knew. He wasn’t even sure if Evan liked him as a person, let alone anything more than that. It didn’t help that his conversation with Zoe earlier was getting to him. 

 

Was Evan Hansen really just a friend? Is that all Connor wanted him to be? Would it even matter if Connor liked him that way? He didn’t have the answers, what he did have was a flower crown, and a group of people who actually wanted to be around him, some more than others, but for the moment that was enough. He could figure out the rest later. 


End file.
